“Even when I make a scene, I still feel unseen. This hurts.”
“It’s like, no matter what I do, no matter what I say, one sees me, no one hears me. I post on social media, I write blog posts, I join FB groups, I try to be of service, and nothing seems to work. It seems like the more I flap my wings, the more invisible I become. Even when I make a scene, I still feel unseen. This hurts.”
Caitlyn’s email stopped me in my tracks.
“Even when I make a scene, I still feel unseen.”
I know that feeling of doing everything you can to be seen and heard and STILL feeling unheard and invisible.
Why is that?
Well, I used to think it was their fault — that people were deliberately not trying to see and hear me.
And then, several slaps upside the head later, I realized it was ALL ME.
I thought I had to talk LOUDER.
I thought I had to say MORE.
I thought I needed to “grow a pair.”
I thought I was supposed to stomp my feet harder.
I thought I needed to hit below the belt.
I thought making a scene included all of the above.
Until I got tossed into an abyss so deep I thought I might not get out.
No amount of kicking and screaming worked.
That’s when I realized (eventualllllllllllllly) that some people aren’t interested in hearing me. They have no desire to listen to what I have to say. In their eyes, I am invisible.
It was a tough pill to swallow but ultimately it freed me from trying to be seen and heard and understood and yada yada yada.
I came to realize how much energy had been wasted in the trying to be seen and heard.
I could see clearly how I’d learned to walk on eggshells, stifling myself, not wanting to rock the boat or ruffle feathers or cause a fuss.
When we are locked in “trying” we write blog posts that get little attention.
When we are locked in “trying” we give attention to people who don’t want to give us their attention.
When we are locked in “trying” we speak to people who don’t want to understand.
Two things are NOT working:
1. We’re speaking the wrong language
2. We’re speaking to people who don’t want to listen
This happens in life and in business.
If you want to be seen and heard, you must first identify the people who want to see you and hear what you have to say.
If what you’re saying doesn’t make sense, adjust your language until you feel seen, heard and understood.
In life this means investing time and effort in people who love you enough to see and hear you and will hang in with you without cutting you down. The rest of them? Love them and let them go.
In business this means identifying the people who are looking for your help and then learning how to speak to them in a way that makes them want to listen to what you have to say.
Making a scene — the kind of scene that makes you feel good and whole in the end — takes guts, but it also requires a sense of peace and calm and an eloquence that is not wasted on those who are deaf and blind to the magnificent woman that you are.
In love and guts,
Ready to become a Gutsy Glorious Business Woman?